The Fortunately Unfortunately Diet

Have you ever told a fortunately, unfortunately story?  I used to assign this to young writers to get their creativity flowing.  Fortunately, I am still around today to write about it.  Unfortunately, my storyline has changed.  Lately it goes something like this.

Unfortunately you have a chronic illness.  Fortunately, you can change your diet and you will feel better.  Unfortunately, you will have to give up some good stuff…sugar, gluten, dairy.  Fortunately, you can eat all the fruits and veggies you want.  Unfortunately, many of those fruits and veggies are covered with pesticides.  Fortunately, organic fruits and veggies are available, although…unfortunately, very pricey.

Unfortunately, you will have to give up meat.  Fortunately, not all the experts say to give up meat. Unfortunately, some experts say you should only eat organ meat (liver, gizzards etc.) Fortunately, the previous experts said you shouldn’t eat meat so you don’t have to eat liver. Just make sure that any meat you do eat has been raised on grass grown by leprechauns and that any poultry you eat has been sung to sleep at night by angels.

Unfortunately though, you will have to stop cooking with vegetable oils.  Fortunately, the experts say coconut oil is ok to use instead.  Unfortunately, other experts (your  doctors) say that coconut oil is a definite no-no and will raise your cholesterol.  Fortunately you can lower your cholesterol by eating Amla (gooseberries).  Unfortunately, they are grown in  India and you will need to find an Indian grocery story that carries them.

Fortunately, what you can’t get from your food, you can get through supplements.  Unfortunately, you never know what you’ll really be getting in those supplements.  Fortunately, there are any number of complete strangers online who will tell you which ones to buy (and even sell them to you).  Unfortunately, they are not really the experts.

Fortunately, you will eventually figure out what to eat to help you feel better but be sure you don’t wrap it in aluminum or store it in plastic…don’t even get me started on that one.

Fortunately, I can now go feast on some water and kale.  Unfortunately, the water must be triple filtered and the kale must be grown in virgin soil in my backyard.

 

One thought on “The Fortunately Unfortunately Diet”

  1. Unfortunately, if you triple-filter your water it will be missing essential minerals. :/

    Fortunately, you have an excellent grasp of the situation and a sense of humor!

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